Forgiving Rollins
by kj.02-CM
Summary: Based on the episode "Forgiving Rollins"- Missing scenes, character thoughts, and Patton-Rollins drama. This will encompass the recovery, new game plans, and the old Detective Rollins. Rating is subject to change. Please leave your thoughts and comments. I appreciate the support. Also, **Fin and Amanda**, or **Amaro and Amanda**?
1. Chapter 1

**This will be consistent with the episode "Forgiving Rollins" so spoiler alert. This will follow the episodes general story line but it will have extra scenes and all the characters thoughts. I know there is like a million of these stories, but I just couldn't help not being apart of the action. I will try to keep you on your feet, so thank you for your support and reading. I love suggestions and ideas so don't forget to leave them in the comments.**

**Thank you and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it isn't mine. **

Chapter 1

"Its a brave new world. Since criminals are bound less and less by geographical jurisdiction. Law enforcement must follow suit. We all need to share information quickly and efficiently. Case in point." Patton's southern accent rang through the conference room.

Amanda cringed lightly, just the sound of his twangy voice created familiar chills slithering down her back.

"Now the recent Pattern 17 rape case in New York. For us at APD the most gratifying part of closing out that case was collaborating with our esteemed and charming colleagues at NYPD. Now one of Sargent Benson's detectives, formerly one of my own,"

Amanda silently grimaced and bit the edge of her lip.

"recalled a few old cases in Atlanta that matched the profile they had established. Now given the similarities and the MO we felt certain that DNA on file at our precinct would prove that this was the work of one man."

Amanda briefly met eyes with her old mentor. A man she had once trusted and worked diligently to impress. Now just the mere sight of him brought back grueling memories and feelings Amanda had fought to keep inside for years.

"This DNA, they were unable to obtain from the New York crime scene."

The conference finally ended and Amanda quickly got up from her seat. She made a speedy exit to the restroom and released the contents of her stomach in the porcelain bowl. Her eyes watered and she was instantly upset with how easily he could illicit a reaction out of her.

"No, stop it. You're fine." Amanda muttered under her breath.

She brushed the hair from her face and washed her hands with scolding hot water. Her hands were red, but the pain was hardly noticeable. Amanda was stuck looking in the mirror back at her own dull eyes. Have they always been like this? Dreary and lifeless, or maybe its just been like this for the last five years.

Amanda dried her hands and rubbed them with increasing anxiety on her pants. It was go time. She took a deep breath and left the lady's room with a pleasant, uncomfortable smile on her face. She met up with her team standing around a table outside of the conference room.

"He sits on the rape kits for 6 years, we catch the guy, then he takes the victory lap." Finn murmured, obviously upset with how the night had rolled out.

"Accept the things you cannot change." Amanda muttered.

"Just don't ask me to go out to dinner with him." Finn replied sarcastically.

Amanda scoffed.

The blonde looked up to see Patton making his way over to the table. Right away Amanda recognized the look on his face. The lust. The disgust she felt for this man was unbearable.

"Sargent, beautiful city you have here."

"Even when it isnt." Olivia replied.

"Yep." Patton sneered lightly. "That's true. But speakin of beautiful...Amanda, it's nice to see you. Ah, it broke my heart to let this one go."

Amanda forced a smile to her face. The same uncomfortable, awkward one that had painted her face earlier.

"Ya'all have a winner with her." Patton continued.

His stare never left Amanda's eyes. As if he was replaying every moment he had ever even imagined being with her. Amanda desperately wanted to cry or scream, this man made her emotions play twister inside of her.

"We know that." Finn curtly replied, automatically feeling protective of Amanda, for a reason he couldn't quite understand.

"Oh, forgive me darlin. Folks, this is detective Reese Taymore. This is her first conference."

Amanda looked into the same blue eyes this young girl had. She reminded Amanda of herself, so...so much. The look in her eyes, so eager to work and learn. Immediately Amanda knew she hadn't felt the pain yet.

"Oh, well welcome to New York." Olivia greeted.

"Ah, just like the song." Reese's smile lit up and made Amanda's heart crack a little. "I loved your presentation on aggravating and hot plating social media to really zero in on the crime scene or pattern."

Patton lifted his drink to his parched lips. Amanda watched his every move. Her teeth clenched and her breath ran shallow.

"We should really look into some of the programs she mentioned. Snap trends, scram fate."

Patton genuinely smiled. "Oh, anything you want darlin." Patton paused to look at Amanda before looking behind him and scanning the room. "Gosh, you know I got so many friends here."

Once again, Amanda bit her lip in a bitter reply.

"We'll catch you later." Patton said.

With one more greedy glance at Amanda, Patton started to walk away, settling his arm on Reese's lower back.

"It was nice to meet ya'all." Reese said with another pearly smile.

"You too." Olivia replied.

As soon as they were gone, Amanda let out a deep breath.

"Yeah Atlanta, they're so polite." Amanda offered.

She looked up to recognize Amaro's face.

"Sam Reynolds, Amanda's old cap, wants us to join APD at Moran's."

Finn quickly put his thumbs out like he was doing the hoke poke. "I'm outta here."

"I gotta go home to Noah guys, goodnight." Olivia said and followed Finn out.

Amaro walked around the table to talk to Amanda.

"Well, just you and me."

"I'm not good at hanging out with the old boys." Amanda stumbled over her words, but acted as though it was nothing.

"You know he said Reese is comin." Amaro rebuttled.

"Umm, I gotta walk Franny." Amanda offered lamely.

Amanda tried walking past Amaro but his arm caught her bicep. Amanda looked up at Amaro's eyes.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

Amaro looked deep into her eyes, as if he was trying to figure out her secrets. "You would tell me if there was, right?"

"Yeah of course." Amanda easily brushed it off and walked past.

The corner of her eyes found Patton watching her. He gave her a wink and raised his glass. Amanda took a wide turn around him with a curt head nod and that same silly, awkward smile.

* * *

Amanda sat in a new bar. It was a new one every night. A new drink and a new memory. Amanda had yet to drink all her sorrows away, but at least the booze was helping her feel less like a completely worthless person. Her eyes sat fixed on the table in front of her. She had finished another drink, too many to count, but she didn't care. She liked it that way. She liked hoping that the answer would be at the bottom of the glass and then the bottom of the bottle and then the next bottle and the next. But it never was, but she was never dissatisfied.

"Hit me." Amanda said to the bartender.

Everyone around her was socializing meeting new people, drunk and sober, but Amanda sat at the bar, enjoying the company the noise brought, the distraction that made her remember that drinking was the only thing that dulled the pain, and she couldn't give that up.

Amanda took a swig of her next glass and tried to push the memories bombarding her head away, but one won out.

_"Amanda, Amanda. You know I always liked you." Patton swooned._

_"Yes sir." Amanda answered hesitantly._

_"Tell me, do you love your sister?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Would you do anything to help her?"_

_"Yes." Amanda immediately became eerie of the situation._

_"Anything?"_

_Amanda's heart dropped just as Patton's eyes._

_"Then I'll see you at 10."_

_Amanda turned around to leave his office, her heart pounding like a trampling stampede._

_"And Amanda, you should know by now, I don't take no for an answer."_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Amanda jumped up from the bar. She looked around, nobody had even moved, she felt like she had moved a million miles away, but here she was. Everyone was carrying on as normal, again, it was just her.

Amanda grumbled under her breath and started walking away from the bar.

This was pathetic.

Amanda walked through the doors to be blasted by the nights fresh air. She took a deep breath and started walking down the street. The cold breeze blew right through Amanda's sweater and she turned her head to one side, closing lashes weighed down with mascara to keep the salty sting of fresh tears from cascading down her cheeks. Her hair fell loose about her face, tousled, tangled. She could hear her feet stepping like the ticking of a more leisurely clock, but never telling her the time, never demanding that she move on.

Soon enough Amanda was sick of her thoughts and whistled down a cab, finally she was on her way back to her apartment.

* * *

"Those Atlanta boys can put it away. When I left they were still gettin after it. I don't know how they made it to their hotels." Amaro said.

"You went?" Fin asked.

"Yeah." Amaro answered curtly.

"Rollins stuff you with 'em."

"Yeah." Amaro said, after a brief pause. "Hey, whats her deal with these guys?"

"You know what, ask her." Fin said as he saw the young blond stumble through the doors of the precinct.

Fin's phone rang before he could greet Amanda. "SVU."

"Is Liv already in?" Amanda asked Amaro quickly. Her black shades covered her booze ridden eyes.

"Yeah, I told her you were runnin late." Amaro said with a shrug and a clearly concerned look.

"Thanks." Amanda offered and dropped her stuff at her desk.

"Kay, bad news." Fin said.

"What?" Amanda asked quickly.

"Hotel rape last night." Fin said. "And the vic was that young detective from Atlanta."

Amanda ripped her shades off her face, her eyes dropped as she realized she knew exactly what happened.

"I'll tell Liv." Amaro said and got up from his seat.

Amanda slumped into her chair, she was almost upset with herself when Fin walked over to her desk. He casually leaned up against her desk to look at Amanda.

"Are you hungover?" Fin asked.

"Fin, please."

"All right, all right. I won't ask." Fin muttered. He paused. "Who rapes a detective in a hotel filled with police officers?"

"A cocky bastard." Liv answered as she walked out of her office followed by Amaro. "Amanda, you're with me. We're gonna get her statement."

Amanda hesitantly nodded and gave Fin a quick look before following Olivia out of the precinct she had only entered moments before.

* * *

Amanda and Olivia idly strolled through the crowded hallways of a chemical smelling hospital. Amanda tried to not walk right in line with Liv, she didn't want to talk right now, she was clearly wasted on last nights booze, and she knew Liv didn't approve.

The two detectives met up with the nurse handling the Atlanta Detective's rape case.

"She presented with a serious head wound and said she fell in the bathroom." A dark haired nurse said.

"She was found in her own hotel room?" Liv asked.

The nurse nodded. "By the maid. Security called 911 she disclosed the rape to the ER nurse so we ran a kit."

"Any drugs or alcohol in her system?" Amanda asked, almost shyly. She already knew the answer, but she had to ask anyway...just to make sure.

"Uh, no drugs, alcohol levels were high though. 0.12" Nurse answered.

"Still intoxicated this morning." Amanda muttered.

"Okay any other injuries?" Liv asked.

"Bite marks, some bruising on the thighs and hips." Nurse said with a typical shrug, she saw this all the time, just like the two women from SVU, but somehow she had grown immune. Her hard eyes told Amanda she didn't put up with crap, she'd been burned too many times in the past, it was time to move on and pretend like everything was fine. Amanda could relate.

"Did she say who her assailant was?" Amanda hesitantly asked.

"That's outside my purview detective." The nurse offered with a knowing look. She glanced back at Olivia before walking away with her clipboard in hand.

"Thanks." Liv said before she was gone and looked back at Amanda.

The two detectives started walking down the hallway again, they were headed towards the rape victims room.

Detective Reese Taymor.

Amanda remembered the girl from last night. It was clear she was Patton's new "good girl", but it still gave Amanda shivers.

Still reminded her.

Olivia broke her out of her trance.

"You were late again today."

"Yeah, I'm real sorry about that Liv. It won't happen-"

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." Olivia said before she opened the door to the detective's room.

"Detective Taymor, we're so sorry." Liv said quietly as she sat down on the edge of Reese's bed. "So can you walk us through the details?"

"Oh I um, I guess I had to much to drink at dinner, I um, I got up in the middle of the night, went to go get a glass of water and fell and must have hit my head on the sink." Taymor said with a slight giggle.

"What about the assault?" Amanda asked.

Taymor's face immediately dropped. "I, I don't know what you mean."

"Okay, the ER nurse said you disclosed." Liv questioned with a concerned look.

"I was, I um, I was at an emotional place." Taymor tried to argue.

"I'm very sorry." Amanda held up her phone with wet eyes Amanda wasn't sure if Liv saw or not. "Fin needs me to-"

"Go head." Liv said quickly.

Amanda quickly got out of the room. In the grip of silent panic, Amanda walked down the same hallway with wild eyes, her pupils dilated,and heart racing. She felt like she was suffocating in the claustrophobic hospital. Her brain was on fire, brain synapses firing like a hyped up internal aurora borealis, like a cluster bomb exploding in her brain. She passed through nurses, doctors, patients, it nearly turned her brain to a mental soup of guilt and memories. It was too soon...5 years...still too soon.

Olivia looked back at Taymor after Amanda had left and focused her efforts on the young girl in front of her.

"I feel so stupid bringin ya'all in here." Taymor said with a goofy grin.

"Okay, how bout we start at the beginning." Liv said with a light smile.

"We had drinks." Taymor shrugged. "He escorted me to my door. He used a false pretense to get in. And when I told him I needed to sleep...there came something else." Taymor paused. "I can't believe that I'm saying these words out loud."

"Okay did you struggle, did you say no, I understand that you have some bruising." Liv quickly distracted her.

Silence.

"Listen to me, this isn't just going to go away." Liv said quietly.

"Yeah it will." Taymor argued, her eyes welling up with tears.

"We're gonna follow security footage and find out who went in and out of that hotel room." Liv said.

Once again, silence.

"It was..it was my boss." Taymor said and bit her lip.

"Captain Reynolds?" Liv asked.

"No, no. It...it was his boss." Taymor whispered followed by a pause. "Deputy Chief Patton." Reese paused again, trying to keep her emotions in check. "So you see I'm not pressing any charges and I won't testify...I can't."

Amanda found a concealed foyer right as she was on the brink of tears. She closed the door behind her and finally broke. She strained her vocals but nothing came out, still she screamed silently, hoping someone would hear her. Suddenly, her body wracked with raw sobs and she shook like a leaf. Fright consumed every cell in her body, swelling them with terror. With every second she practically felt the rise of her blood pressure, but she knew that this was the least of her worries.

* * *

**You guys are great! Thank you for all the support. I'd love to hear what you want to see next. What kind of relationships? Instances? Situations? Thank you, thank you for the reviews, keep 'em coming! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"A detective assaulted is bad enough, but now she's accusing a chief." Chief Dodds offered with a roll of his eyes. "Oh I miss homicide. A lot less loading."

Liv walked around her desk and leaned on the edge across from Dodds.

"I assumed you'd want a heads up." Liv said. "So the rape kit shows bruising, bite marks, semen, blood alcohol was...high."

"Always is. We did do diligence at the hotel?"

"Yeah, Patton was staying in a conjoining room. But we saw them entering her room from the hallway at 1 AM." Fin said.

"And then a male voice orders room service 10 minutes later. Security footage caught Patton leaving his room at 6 AM." Liv grudgingly offered.

"Then house keeping finds Reese unconscious on her bathroom floor. She said she slipped and fell, that was at 8 AM." Fin gave Liv a brief glance before looking back at Dodds.

"She admits to inviting him in?" Dodds asked.

"Not so much inviting as allowing. I mean he's her superior officer, it's pretty tough to say no." Liv said with a shrug.

"Or a man and woman on the town, had a few drinks, they do something they might not do at home, bruising, bite marks, not inconsistent with strong sex." Dodds argued.

"Or rape." Liv quickly replied back.

"Rollins work for this guy?" Dodds questioned.

* * *

Amanda kept her head down, she tried to keep herself distracted on whatever work she should be doing, but her mind was running pandemonium. She squeezed her eyes shut and looked back at her computer, hoping this time somehow she would find some inspiration and distraction. But she was quickly interrupted by Nick.

"Kay, you know Patton, is he good for this?" Amaro asked.

Amanda kept silent. What was she suppose to say?

"Detective Taymore, she seem credible?"

"I actually wasn't there for her disclosure." Amanda said curtly with a small grimace and she turned her head back to her computer. Her fists clenched with white knuckles and she fought to breathe deeply. The last thing she needed was a panic attack right now, and nothing had even happened!

Fin stepped out from Liv's office "Rollins, they want you inside."

Amanda bit her lip, she knew Nick was staring at her, but she held her ground and refused to look back at him. She was worried if she wasn't careful enough he would see right through her crumbling facade. And she just couldn't face that. Amanda stood up, she paused in her seat before taking a deep breath and finding the courage to continue.

_You're okay._ Amanda thought to herself over and over.

She reached Liv's open door and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

"Deputy Chief Patton was my superior officer for 6 years. Smart, political." Amanda offered.

"You know the type." Liv said to Dodds.

"And personally?" Dodds questioned. "You know, any rumors of harassment, or scared chasing."

"He's been married 20 years." Amanda easily avoided the touchy question.

"I didn't see his wife at the convention." Fin said with a shake of his head.

"Detective Taymor wouldn't disclose until you left the room, have you hear any whispers about their relationship?" Liv asked, trying to keep Amanda focused. She could see Amanda's blue orbs shaking ever so slightly. Her hands trembled and Liv could see Amanda clutching her hands tightly to stop it. Her eyes fell, and her brow creased with concern. She'd seen this before. Just what was her young blonde detective hiding.

"As far as I know they just work together."

"In conjoining rooms." Dodds questioned with a sarcastic smirk.

"I'm not privy to his personal life." Amanda said with a shrug fought to keep her emotions in control.

"We're all grown ups here we know there's a difference between infidelity and assault. I'm asking if Patton is capable of something like this." Dodds finally questioned.

"You can never tell who is capable of what." Amanda said slowly with a shrug. She kept her hands clasped, trying to stop the slight trembling.

_This is ridiculous, stop it. You're fine. _

Liv stared at the blonde for a moment, but Amanda refused to make eye contact with her. Finally Liv released Rollins. "Thank you Rollins."

Amanda gave a quick head nod and shot out of Liv's office. Fin followed her out, concern etched into his face like an old worn book.

"She's in an awkward position here. I'm sure she still feels loyal to him." Liv said to Dodds with a shrug, but her concerned shrug was for more than just why Amanda was acting the way she was, but what her watery eyes were hiding.

"As should we, he is a fellow officer." Dodds said curtly.

"So is detective Taymor. He out ranks her but-" Liv was cut off.

"We haven't heard his side yet." Dodds said sternly.

"Okay." Liv bit her lip to keep her from saying something she may later regret. "Would you like to watch the interview?"

"No, I'll take it."

Liv looked a bit surprised, but Dodds helped himself, walked right into the interview and Liv took her spot looking through the mirror. Patton's face was relaxed, he was cocky, he'd done this before and he was confident he could get away with it. It made Liv dislike him even more. And even though she didn't have a solid, evidential reason to dislike this man, something about him set her off.

* * *

"Chief. I hear good things." Patton said with a smile. He stood up from his cold metal chair and stuck his arm out.

"Likewise, thank you for coming in." Chief Dodds replied and firmly shook Patton's bony hand.

"So here we are in the box." Patton grumbled slightly.

"No disrespect its just the optics." Dodds explained.

"So uh, we are in a situation." Patton took a deep breath. "So let me get right to it. I am not proud of this, and I love my wife." Patton "Well that girl and I are, well, were involved."

"And you were in a room last night." Dodds clarified.

"Yeah, yeah, and we had sex. Consensual. Obviously. And she had a few drinks." Patton said with a shrug, as if it was a given.

"Sure." Chief Dodds agreed. "Here's our issue. She's saying it _wasn't_ consensual."

"Ah," Patton satirically chuckled. "Well now, I kind of deduced that." Patton said gesturing to the interrogation room.

"You know how these things go, the he said she said." Chief Dodds offered. "I just need a reason. Why did she accuse you like that?"

The team watched the interview outside, slightly surprised with how well it was going thus far.

"Dodds with the good ol routine." Fin said.

"It's pretty good." Liv admitted with raised eyebrows.

"So is Patton." Amanda muttered.

Dodds kept his eyebrows down, like he was just trying to understand, as if he _really_ was on Patton's nasty side.

"She started spewing all this nonsense about me leaving my wife." Patton mused, his eyes rolling, as if it was the most absurd thing he'd ever heard.

"Oh okay." Dodds nodded.

"Reese is a smart girl. And she is a damn fine detective. But you know how it is. Hell have no fury." Patton said, the creep of a little smile played on the corner of his lip and sent chills down Amanda's back. Her eyes began to water over, and the trembling came back. She hated herself when she got like this, and she hated the effect this man had on her.

Olivia saw Amanda, once again shaking slightly, her lip was slightly puffy, clearly from Amanda stress biting her lip. Olivia shook her concern away and finished watching Dodds with Patton, and the very good job he was doing.

"So this is her not hearing what she wanted and getting pay back for it." Dodds clarified.

"That's exactly right." Patton leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, like he'd just won a chess match.

"Now I bet this whole thing goes away now." Patton offered for Dodds.

"You know I can't speak to that." Dodds said with a slight sympathetic smile.

"Oh...how bout I talk to her." Patton said, more of a statement than as a question.

"You and I both know that's against protocol."

"Is this a set up Chief Dodds? Did you invite me in hear all smiles and goodwill, you know that fellow officer courtesy bull crap."

"Is that what you think?" Dodds easily avoided the question, with another question in return.

"You know what I think...I think Amanda Rollins put you and her all up to this." Patton exclaimed, he looked at the double mirror with angry eyes. They were wide and threatening.

Amanda almost physically took a step back. Even 5 years earlier, his eyes had not changed a single bit.

"Excuse me?" Dodds retorted.

"No, no. I'd like to be the gentleman here." Amanda clenched her teeth, what a lying rat. "But that one has an ax to grind. There are reasons she left Atlanta." Patton explained.

"I'm new at SVU, tell me."

"Well, she got around." Patton muttered, he looked around the room again. "You ask her about the time she threw herself at me to save her sister."

Amanda nearly heard the gasp from Nick's mouth. She saw his body flinch like he was going to turn around and look at her, but he knew better. He folded his arms and Amanda fought the urge to scream or throw something. She kept her cool surprisingly well.

Years of practice.

"Ah she never did let go of that one." Patton said with a slight chuckle.

Olivia glanced at Amanda again. She could see the torment in her eyes. Amanda's eyes shot back and forth from Dodds and Patton, eagerly awaiting who would win this encounter. Olivia's heart dropped, she desperately wanted to help Amanda, from what...she wasn't sure. But something was definitely wrong.

"Well, thank you for the hospitality." Patton said standing up.

Amanda slightly shook her head, he was getting away.

"I am the deputy chief of Atlanta PD and I have some business to attend to back home." Patton said.

"I hear ya, but as far as leaving town, I think the New York press might catch wind of that. They will make mince meat out of you. Of your career. Your marriage. I'd hate to see that happen."

"Well, we both know the next time we have a conversation my attorney will be present." Patton set his hand down on Dodds shoulder with a smile. "Have yourself a nice day, all right."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Olivia sighed. "Son of a bitch."

"No one's gonna buy a word he says." Amaro said confidently.

"Actually back home pretty much everyone does." Amanda said with a shrug and she bit her lip again to fight the tears.

Amanda quickly glanced at Nick before nearly tumbling out of the room. She couldn't leave any quicker.

"Amanda." Fin called.

"Just leave me be." Amanda said. "I need to get outta here."

* * *

Amanda sprinted out of the precinct quicker than she had ever before, no one even had time to give her a smile. She nearly sprinted to the subway and jumped the stairs to her apartment where a bottle of vodka seemed to already be waiting. She popped the lid off and took a big gulp straight from the bottle. Before she even finished swallowing the clear, stinging liquid, she rushed to the bathroom where she released the remaining contents of her stomach.

It wasn't much.

Since Patton had been here she seemed to have a lost of appetite, but nevertheless, she still couldn't seem to keep anything down.

"Damn it." Amanda whispered and slid to the floor of her bathroom.

The tears started streaming, slowly at first, but then all at once. Until it was full blown sobs that made her fight for breath while she seemed to choke over the emotion.

"This is suppose to be over...I shouldn't be dealing with this." Amanda whispered to herself.

* * *

"Amanda, can I talk to you for a minute?" Olivia called from the doorway of her office.

Amanda looked up from her desk. She knew this was about her running out, no one had said anything thus far, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She quickly glanced at Fin before slowly standing up and followed Olivia into her office. Her steps were slow and slightly frazzled. Her brain was wracking up all the excuses she could think of. She was sick...Frannie was sick...her mom was sick. Who was she kidding, Olivia knew she didn't talk to her mom, and she had used the other two excuses way too often.

Olivia shut the door behind them and gestured for Amanda to take a seat in the chair in front of Olivia's desk. While Olivia leaned against the corner of her desk, probably to be closer to Amanda, to catch every lie Amanda was about to divulge. Olivia lightly folded her arms and stared at Amanda for a moment before finally speaking.

"Is everything okay?"

Olivia's young detective had been acting extremely strange lately. And it wasn't just because her old captain was here.

"Yeah, of course." Amanda quickly answered...possibly too quick. By the reluctant look on Olivia's face, Amanda took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry about running out...Frannie was sick." Amanda spit out before she could stop it. She nearly rolled her eyes at herself.

_God, you're so stupid. _Amanda thought to herself.

"Stop." Olivia quickly cut her off with a shake of her head. "This isn't about that."

"It isn't?" Amanda asked.

"No, Amanda...I'm worried about you."

Amanda gave Olivia her best surprised expression before asking a hesitant "why?"

"You've been- not yourself." Olivia trailed off. "Have you been gambling again?"

"No, of course not." Amanda quickly retorted, almost taking offense that Olivia would even ask, but Amanda remembered her reputation and wasn't surprised.

"Then what's going on?" Olivia asked gently, but firmly.

"Nothing, really...I'm fine."

"And you would tell me if you weren't?"

Amanda paused for a second.

"You're not in danger are you?" Olivia asked, with all the stuff with Murphy, Amanda was hurt on several occasions, she didn't want anything like that happening to her detective again. Amanda needed to get on the right path. And Olivia couldn't help but wonder what put Amanda _off_ the right path.

"No, I'm not in danger." Amanda shook her head, looking down at her lap, and trying to believe it herself. Patton wouldn't hurt her...would he?

Olivia looked at Amanda intently.

"Please can I go back to work?"

Olivia sighed. "Yeah, will you check on Taymore for me?"

"Sure thing Cap."

* * *

"Hey Reese, are you doin okay?" Amanda was void of emotion. She was clearly awkward, but it was because she didn't know how to handle the situation. Oddly enough she knew exactly how Taymore felt, but she just couldn't convey that, not even if she wanted to.

"I'm not some pity party, I'm fine all right, you can tell all your detective's that too." Reese muttered back.

"Okay, but you don't look okay. You're eyes are red, like you been cryin." Amanda pressed, surprising herself a bit.

"That's awfully intrusive."

"Look, I'm the good guy. I'm trying to help."

"And I already told you guys I don't want your help. I want this to go away."

"You know that's not going to happen."

Reese shot Amanda a look that started angry, but ended with a tear slipping down her cheek.

"I think you should go." Reese whispered.

Amanda wanted to take her up on the offer, she wasn't good with emotions...and things like this. Especially not with herself, so why would she with other people? But she knew Liv would be mad if she heard Reese started crying and Amanda just walked out.

"Please, let me help?"

"There's nothing you can do."

Amanda paused for a second.

"I can listen."

Reese almost seemed to take Amanda up on the offer, but she quickly shook her head after a moment.

"No, I just need to be alone. But thanks for stoppin by."

Next thing Amanda knew, she was walking down the busy New York streets back to the precinct.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"How'd it go with Taymore?" Olivia immediately asked, like she was waiting the whole time for Amanda to walk back through those doors.

"It was fine. She's close, I think just a little bit more buggin." Amanda answered.

Amanda ignored the stares and looks as she took her seat at her desk. Olivia didn't seem to look away, and neither did Fin, and as she glanced at Amaro, he was looking too. Were they talking about her? Instantly Amanda felt embarrassed.

"You guys are not very subtle." Amanda replied and looked up from her computer. "Somethin goin on?"

"You haven't heard?" Fin asked.

"Heard what?"

Before Fin could answer a familiar face seemed to magically creep from the break room. Amanda's breath caught and automatically she began trying to add up the years. The last time she would have seen this man was about when she was 17 years old; when she left home and fought to stay on her own. Amanda swallowed the lump in her throat and through her head back.

"Dad."

Her father had always been more of a hard ass. People now would say he'd been abusive, and maybe subconsciously that was why Amanda got out of her dysfunctional family as soon as she could, regardless Amanda had a love-hate relationship towards her father.

He looked about the same. He aged well, and was easy on the eyes. He had a strong build and was clearly confident. Unlike Amanda's naturally light hair, his hair was more of a light dark color, complimenting his blue eyes; similar to Amanda's. Many people from her childhood and adolescents would comment on the resemblance the two shared, but Amanda disregarded their input. She was desperate to be a different person than her father was, she wanted more for her future family, she wanted to be better, and she wanted to learn compassion. Compassion her hard father lacked, and compassion her drunk and addicted absentee mother could never offer.

"Manda Bear." Her dad smiled, genuinely, and Amanda wondered if this was an act, or if he had really changed.

"Please don't call me that." Amanda answered back.

Amanda's dad took a few steps forward to meet Amanda by her desk. Amanda had to literally clench her toes to stop herself from stepping away.

Oddly enough, her dad wrapped his bear arms around her petite frame. He started to whisper in her ear "thought you could get away, huh?"

Immediately Amanda knew this was an act. Just like growing up, going to school pretending like everything was fine, family social events they would attend to mask the dysfunction they actually experienced at home. Amanda grimaced. Her dad- evermore the control freak.

"This nice lady," he referenced to Olivia, where she inserted her name, probably for the countless time, "Olivia, that's right." He nodded. "Olivia was nice enough to let me in, she gave me a real nice cup of coffee and promised I would see my long lost daughter."

Amanda struggled to not roll her eyes.

Fin noticed Amanda's tension and he stood up and walked over to the pair.

Fin stuck out his hand. "Odafin Tutuola."

"Robert Rollins."

"Well, Amanda, we better get back to work." Fin gestured for Amanda to follow.

"I'd love to catch up later dad, but I've got stuff to do."

"All right, I'll just have this nice lady..."

Again Olivia filled in her name, clearly on the borderline of annoyance.

"Olivia. I'll have Olivia, give me your number."

Amanda glanced at Olivia before stiffly nodding and following Fin out of the precinct.

Once outside Amanda turned to Fin.

"Thanks for saving me." Amanda offered.

"Yeah, he seems..." Fin trailed off, unsure what to say.

"I think the word you are looking for is 'jack-ass'."

Fin let out a throaty laugh.

The pair walked down the street, aimlessly and silent for a few minutes before Fin finally spoke up.

"You alright?"

"Of course." Amanda answered almost automatically. But before Fin could object Amanda kept talking. "It's getting late, and I don't want to risk another run-in with that father of mine. So tell Liv good night for me, and I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Again that night Amanda found herself in a bar. It'd been a long day. Her father had tried contacting her, but Amanda had done a good job of screening his calls. She knew it wouldn't last forever, but with everything going on right now, she just couldn't deal with her father in town too.

Along the bar wall was every hue of amber liquid in their inverted bottles; every type of liquor Amanda knew she should avoid. She turned her head slowly to the right to watch a bar tender scrubbing the glass of the chiller cabinet, recently re-stuffed with those stupid garish alco-pops all the teens were slurping faster than coca-cola.

Amanda was caught off guard when a familiar face appeared across from the table.

"You're a hard woman to track down. I had to check half the bars in Rhode island city." Fin said.

"I don't want to talk about this." Amanda replied.

"About what? Your father in town, or Patton in town?"

Amanda tensed at the sound of Patton's name.

"Neither."

"I'm not leaving." Fin replied, "until you tell me what went on between you and Patton."

Amanda fell into silence. A long pause that seemed to raise her blood pressure through the roof. Fin had nipped this right in the bud. Amanda kept meeting Fin's stare and than looking away. She couldn't decide if she wanted to confide in him, or keep up her "fine" act. She knew it was getting old, and regardless of if she was fine, they all knew _something_ was going on.

"I was Patton's shiny blonde protege. Right, I was smart. I was a good girl." Amanda finally blurted. She paused, licking her lips and finding the right words. "Just his type...it wasn't like that at first." Amanda said quietly.

"And then?" Fin urged.

"And then my sister got arrested...so Patton calls me into his office. It was late. Nobody was around. And he said that he could make it go away." Amanda's fingers started to intertwine with one another and tremble.

"Amanda." Fin shook his head.

"It was my sister Fin." Amanda nearly growled.

"Did he force you?" Fin asked after a brief pause.

Amanda kind of shrugged and shook her head. "He didn't put a gun to my head."

"So Reese is tellin the truth." Fin deduced.

Amanda took a deep breath a breathed a light "Yeah."

"We have to tell Barba."

"No. I wont say I was raped because I wasn't." Amanda said, clearly unconvincing. She didn't know if she believed the statement or not. But by God, did she want to.

"You have to let him know this guy is a predator. That he is capable." Fin argued.

"But if I do...Patton fights dirty Fin." Amanda said with wide, knowing eyes.

"What about this girl?"

"Well, she'll get over it." Amanda said, a bit harshly. She didn't mean for it to sound like that, but that's how it was interpreted. "I mean, she might have been sleepin with him anyhow. She'll go back to Atlanta and she'll pretend like nothing ever happened." Amanda quickly countered.

"Just like you did." Fin replied.

"Well...pretend long enough...and it is like nothing did happen." Amanda paused. "Just let it go, okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Amanda had left Fin with threatening tears. Amanda had never been okay with the rain drop tears that seemed to stroll down her face regularly. However, as much as she hated the weakness she felt, every now and then tears would still manage to catch a hold of her. She wished she had; then Amanda could have cried in front of people, instead of in bathrooms, dark rooms, and in between the coats of her closet.

Amanda refused to call a taxi. It was late, and the logic of her mind told her to get in the damn cab, but she didn't care. Walking, the fresh air blowing her face, it felt nice. She felt free and relaxed, that's all she needed for right now anyways.

Before she knew it, she was walking up the stairs of her apartment unharmed, but not feeling any better. Amanda reached her apartment door, but stopped in her tracks as her door was ajar and cast a white beam into the sultry night. It was odd for a door to be left open in this part of town, as a rule they were shut, locked and double bolted. Immediately Amanda reached for her weapon and entered her apartment slowly. A rush of anxiety flowed through Amanda's veins, and her heart began to beat heavily. Every muscle in her body suddenly felt tight, sprung for action and she felt like she couldn't even walk. Her body screamed at her to sprint away, to spend the energy that kept piling in regardless of her inability to use it. Even her face felt tight, like smiling just wasn't an option. She always seemed to get like this in her police hours, but it was entirely different when she was searching for a perpetrator in her own house. After anxiously coursing through the majority of her apartment, she reached her living room where her father was sitting with a beer. Not a care in the world.

"Dad? What the hell is wrong with you?" Amanda screeched.

"Oh, did you come in? I didn't even hear you." Her father mumbled back; slurred words and clearly drunk.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Amanda questioned.

"I've learned...a few tricks...in my day," was all her father could reply with.

"You need to leave."

"I can't leave. I'm drunk!" Her father replied with a hearty chuckle.

Amanda sighed. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to visit my daughter." Robert Rollins gave Amanda devious smile that slid down her back like goo.

Amanda walked away from her father, she went to her bedroom and turned on the light. She closed the door, and double checked that it was locked behind her. Quickly she changed in to her usual bed attire, plaid mid-thigh shorts and a large t-shirt. She opened her door to see her father hadn't moved from his position on the couch. She went and stood in front of her drunken father.

"You can stay here for tonight, but you _will not_ leave the couch and you _will_ be gone by the time I leave for work tomorrow." Amanda said forcefully.

"Sure thing honey bunches." Robert drawled as his eyes traveled from her head to her feet.

Amanda groaned and walked away. She entered her room and locked the door behind her. She turned on the tv across from her bed and set up camp. There was no way she was going to sleep tonight.

But there was one thing she was sure of.

Fin was right.

She needed to talk to Barba.

* * *

Amanda looked around the clean, almost pristine room. A light blue accented the many fancy and elegant decorations. She fought to not make eye contact with anyone. She had promised an old version of herself that she would never do this...but here she was. The least she could do was hold herself together. However, she managed to glance at Barba and he nodded, urging her to start.

Amanda adjusted her position, took a deep breath and began talking.

"I put myself in a bad position and Patton took advantage of it."

"Are you saying he raped you?" Dodds asked.

"I'm saying...of the record, based on my personal experience, I believe Detective Taymore is telling the truth." Amanda finally offered.

Dodds sighed. "Now what counselor?"

"We arrest him." Liv inserted. "A rape kit with bruising," Amanda lightly flinched, "and a split lip. A rape nurse as an outcry witness...me."

"She says she's not willing to testify." Barba argued.

Amanda closed her eyes and clenched her teeth.

"I can't arrest a deputy chief without a complaint. If she won't come forward, we can't move." Dodds replied.

"I will talk to Reese again." Olivia settled on.

"You know what, it's my turn." Amanda said. She looked at Liv and forced a slight smile.

* * *

"Hey, thanks for seeing me again." Amanda said.

"If the chief sent you to shut me up, it's a waste of a trip. I'm zippin my mouth and goin home." Taymore replied.

"That's not why I'm here." Amanda paused. "Patton raped you. And you're gonna need to cooperate with us. If this goes to trial, you _need_ to testify."

"Because you want justice for lil ol me." Taymore sarcastically replied.

"Yes."

Reese scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"So everyone at home can know what happened to me, and my humiliation and know what I've been through and call me a slut. Just like you."

Amanda bit the inside of her lip.

"I am nothing like you." Taymore growled.

"Cause you're a good girl." Amanda instantly shot back.

"Yes. I worked hard to get where I am." Taymore answered with a twisted look of offense.

"I know that. I know that's why this is so hard." Amanda struggled to let go of her old self and connect with this young girl, because whether she liked it or not, they were in extremely identical situations. "Because you feel like if you do your job well, if you work twice as hard as the men then you will be seen as a good detective. But Chief Patton he's king. The way he figures he is entitled."

Taymore didn't answer at first and Amanda new she was close to getting through. Amanda's eyes begged to be understood, while her posture was distant.

"I knew his reputation. To not be the last person in the office. Watch out for the accidental touches. He'd make his jokes. I'd smile tell him I was flattered but then nothing was happening." Taymore finally argued back.

"So you weren't having an affair?" Amanda questioned.

"No. Is that what he is sayin? And Captain Reynolds is backing him up on that?" Taymore replied, clearly hurt.

"Yeah, guys are gonna talk whether we sleep with them or not. You think Sam Reynolds wanted everyone to know I turned him down?" Amanda asked. "You think you're Chief Patton's first good girl?"

Reese paused. "So everything they said about you...and why you left, none of that is true."

"No."

* * *

**Sorry for late update, hope you like how this is going! Please let me know with a review! And I'd love to hear ideas, and what you guys want to happen, so shoot me a pm, or leave me a little comment below! Thanks for all the support and reviews thus far, you guys are AWESOME! **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Patton and his men sat around their newest table. Talking loud, inconsiderate of those around, and most importantly not a care in the world.

"One thing I can say about the city is, I have not had a bad meal. Not once." Patton said with a smirk.

"Well that's one good thing, ain't it." Sam replied.

"Afternoon gentlemen." Dodds interrupted, walking right up to their table, with a passive aggressive smile.

"Ah, Chief Dodds, Detective-" Patton said, his head falling to his lap, as if disgusted that such a thing could be ruining his own personal time. What an inconvenience.

"Tutola." Fin inserted.

"Nick. What can we do for ya." Patton said, more as a statement than a question, like he didn't have the time of day.

"Why don't we take this outside." Dodds suggested, gesturing his head to the doors and starting to turn.

"Well, whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of my men." Patton said and he might as well have just puffed his big mighty chest out right there.

"We have a warrant for your arrest on the charge of rape 1." Nick said firmly, a little happy that karma was starting to catch up.

"What? That is bull-" Sam stood up, outraged.

"It's all right Sam." Patton reassured. He stood up, lightly placed his hand on Sam's shoulder and looked back up at the detectives. "Here." He stuck his hands out and kept his mouth tight. "Well then."

"We're not gonna cuff ya." Dodds said. "We're gonna quietly walk outta here. Then you'll be processed and arraigned."

"Sit down." Patton said to Sam. "Now you know that lawyer we met, the big guy." Patton winked, and easily followed them out.

* * *

The male detectives and Olivia couldn't help but feel gracious that Patton was finally under their supervision. Even though Amanda hadn't really admitted to anything, they all could kind of guess. It hurt, which was why it was so gratifying to bring Patton in, and maybe give Amanda a little bit of piece of mind. It had been five years for Amanda, they still saw the affects today. And finally it made sense. Liv felt awful for every time she was maybe just a little too hard on Amanda. Whether the girl wanted to admit it or not, she never really got over what happened to her, and that showed.

Olivia shook her head and walked out from her office.

"Did Amanda leave already?"

"Yeah, Dodds and Barba sent her home earlier. I think she was getting sick, throwin up and stuff." Nick replied.

Olivia's lips tightened. She really wanted to talk to Amanda again, after everything with Barba, she wanted to personally make sure she was okay, help her if she could. Somehow she felt guilty. "Okay, has anyone checked in on her in a while?"

"I'll call her." Nick offered.

Olivia nodded and headed back to her office.

* * *

"I know, I know you're there if I need you Nick." Amanda said, slightly rolling her eyes. It was a long time ago, she was fine. "Just want a quiet night tonight. Thanks." Amanda hung up and bent down to talk to Franny Mae.

"Okay Franny Mae, it's just you and me tonight, okay?"

As she stood up, a car came to a stop in front of her, blocking her and Franny Mae's way.

"Hey Amanda." Sam said, his big body was intimidating, and Amanda fought to take a step back. She didn't want to seem scared.

"You gotta gps signal on my ass." Amanda scoffed.

"I'm a police officer." Sam replied with a shrug.

"So you had APD track my cell." Amanda shook her head.

"Just tryin to look after you darlin."

"What the hell you want." Amanda growled.

"I want you to think about what you're doin. We know you got to Reese." Sam threatened, taking a step towards Amanda. His fists clenching.

"Got to her? I took her statement." Amanda argued.

"You were listenin to a story. She was lookin for pay back. Just like you." Sam said back. They had all told the lie so long, they had begun to believe it. "I'm not gonna pass any judgement here. Manda, you slept with the Chief, you get a head and it back fired. That's on you."

"Patton is a liar." Amanda grimaced.

"He's a man I know I can trust. Look, I know how ambitious a girl you are. Reese too. But take my advice, and let sleepin dogs lie." Sam took another step towards Amanda.

"Get the hell off my street."

"You know all these years, you would give me the good girl act, but you were just keepin yourself wide eyed and wet for the boss. Weren't ya." Sam took a few steps towards Amanda until she was backed up against the barrier. Amanda's mouth fell open while she rolled her eyes.

"No piece for your old friend Sam."

"You better stay away from me." Amanda threatened.

"Or what." Sam's hand reached up to stroke her face, but Amanda slapped it away; this frustrated Sam, his other hand whipped to Amanda's neck and wrapped around her porcelain skin. Only squeezing enough to scare her, not to hurt her. For a second everything stopped and Amanda froze.

"Don't test me." Sam muttered. His hands grasped a little harder, just cutting off her air supply. Amanda let go of Frannie's leash and reached up to claw at his hands. When Sam felt Amanda's resistance, it was like he seemed to know what he was doing. He let go of Amanda's neck, and Amanda started to sputter, as fresh air found its way back down Amanda's raw throat.

Sam took a step back, but Amanda straightened out, before he could start to leave, Amanda kneed him right where it hurt.

"You bitch." Sam muttered. "I'll report you."

"Yeah, you do that. And make sure you tell your wife I said hello." Amanda replied as Frannie started to bark. "Good girl Frannie."

* * *

Amanda rushed back to her apartment, still a little shaken up. Just as she grabbed herself a cold beer, she heard a knock on her door. Instantly Amanda's thoughts went to her dad. She kept quiet and slowly walked towards the door to look out her peep hole and confirm her suspicions. However, she was surprised to find Olivia Benson standing outside her door, and seemingly anxious about it to. Her hands fidgeted ever so slightly.

She slowly opened the door and Olivia's eyes brightened.

"Oh thank goodness, I was getting worried."

"Liv? What are you doin here?"

"I just wanted to check on you...can I come in?"

Amanda nodded and opened the door wider, she walked away, set her beer on the counter and found her way to the couch while Olivia shut the door behind her.

"Nick and Fin said you went home sick?"

"I-well, I just threw up a few times. Nothin I can't handle."

"There's nothin you can't handle, huh?" Olivia said.

"Liv, I really don't know what you're hoping to get from me. I don't want to talk."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"And I am, I'm fine." Amanda forced a small smile.

"Amanda-"

"Stop, I'm not a victim, so stop treating me like one. Why don't you go do your job, and help someone that needs it." Amanda yelled back, her voice cracking, and her eyes starting to fill up with warm tears.

Olivia kept quiet.

"I'm fine." Amanda gritted her teeth as she spit out the words, hoping her anger about the situation will slowly keep the tears from falling. "You guys got Patton, Reese is going to testify, and I'm still just...trying to get through."

Amanda's voice cracked again, and this time the first tear fell.

"You should leave." Amanda said.

"No."

Amanda turned to look at Olivia.

"For once, you're going to get this out."

* * *

**So sorry for the late update! Please review, and I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. Just let me know if you like where it's going, or if you want something different! **

**Thanks everyone! **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Amanda's head fell back to her lap with a little shake and a small sigh that Amanda wasn't sure if Olivia heard or not.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Liv." Amanda muttered. Her hand moved to her head to push away her blonde locks that always seemed to be in the way.

"Let's go back to that detective you were five years ago."

"Liv-"

"Amanda, please, help me. Help _yourself_."

Amanda kept staring at Liv's dark eyes for a while before finally breaking the contact with a small nod.

"I- I moved up to detective pretty quick." Amanda swallowed roughly and caught eyes with Olivia again. Amanda started to lightly shake her head, silently begging Olivia to make it stop.

"It's okay. You can do it." Olivia guided.

"That's when I started working with Patton more. He instantly had a likin towards me. Everything that Reese said...that was _me_. I wasn't stupid. I just..._wanted_ it so bad."

Olivia nodded her understanding. Although Amanda hadn't always been honest, or even trustworthy, she was definitely a hard worker. She loved her job, that was clear, and she was willing to go to the end to get it done.

"My sister..." Amanda trailed off, shaking her head again, for the countless time.

"She was on drugs." Olivia inserted with a nod.

Amanda nodded, "she had other problems too. History a mental illness...you've heard it all."

"Well, yeah. And after the last time she was here- Amanda, she almost sent you to prison for a _really_ long time."

"I know, I know."

"This time though, in Atlanta, it was different. She had gotten in some _real_ trouble here."

Amanda paused, looked down at her fidgeting hands then looked straight up. "Patton...he said he could make it go away."

Olivia could see the slight quiver in Amanda's eyes. She'd seen this before, countless times...but never in one of her one.

"Olivia, you've heard the story, you know."

"Tell me again."

"Why?"

Olivia didn't answer, she just looked at the young detective. Her blonde hair framed her distraught face, the waves, although messy, were still naturally pretty. Her blue eyes quivered slightly, but with the threat of tears, they were more blue than usual. They were bright, piercing even. Her complexion, while clear, there was a blush of crimson that told Olivia of the distress.

"I went willingly. It was my choice."

"You cannot keep holding on to this. You didn't deserve this."

"He slammed my head against the head board...that's- that's when I changed my mind."

"You said no. You can't keep blaming yourself for this. This wasn't your fault."

Amanda nodded along with Olivia, but Olivia knew Amanda didn't believe what she was saying. Olivia could see a few more tears slip down Amanda's cheek, but Amanda didn't move to swipe them away. Olivia could also see Amanda biting the inside of her lips, fighting not to let herself break down. Olivia realized this was probably the first time Amanda was allowing an emotional break down attached to these horrible memories in front of someone. Olivia couldn't help but feel honored, as well as pressured.

She hoped she could help.

"I should have never even agreed." Amanda said and paused as the tears seemed to fall down her cheeks without permission. Amanda still bit the inside of her cheeks, fighting not to open her mouth in fear that if she did she would here the sounds of her sobs that were begging to get out.

"I am so proud of you."

Amanda scoffed trailed with a steady stream of tears. Each following the one after the last and begging Amanda to let them all out.

"Amanda, you are _not_ alone. You are _strong_. I can't believe you carried this around for five years."

Olivia slid over closer to Amanda and wrapped her arm around the young detective. As soon as Olivia had touched her, Amanda gave up and fell into Olivia's embrace. She laid her head down on Olivia's lap while Olivia's right hand draped over her body, and the other lightly played with her hair. In a different situation Amanda wouldn't have liked the physical contact, but here...now, it was soothing. For once Amanda felt safe, comfortable, and not alone.

After several minutes of heart wrenching sobs, Amanda's break down was starting to ease. Her body wracking, emotionally challenging break was not only healthy for Amanda, but brought the two women closer together. The whole several minutes Olivia couldn't help but feel guilt. There were signs. Amanda had been a wreck the majority of her career at NYPD. Olivia should have noticed, maybe taken it a little easier on the detective. After all, she had been dealing with something no one should ever have to go through. And for _five_ years, Olivia couldn't get over it.

Amanda broke Olivia from her thoughts with a small cough.

"Olivia...thank you."

"When I say I'm here, I mean it. I'd like to help if I can."

Amanda smiled and sat up.

"There's something I think you should know."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"The last time I saw my dad I was probably...17?"

"Oh wow."

"Yeah, but the thing is, I'm not completely sure him showing up is a coincidence."

"Why do you say that?"

"I was thinking about it the other day and my dad used to be good friends with Patton when I was in middle school and high school."

"Really? That's awfully convenient of him to show up right now..." Olivia said, her train of thought trailing off.

"Yeah." Amanda mumbled.

"I'll look in to it. You don't worry about anything. You worry about getting a good night's sleep."

Olivia stood up to leave, but Amanda stayed on the couch.

"Amanda?"

Amanda fidgeted with her hands for a second. "Would it be weird if you stayed here tonight?"

Olivia opened her mouth to respond, slightly shocked that Amanda would ask.

"You don't have to if you don't want. I probably wouldn't want to sleep on my couch either."

"No, Amanda, I'll stay. I'll stay as long as you want." Olivia said with a sincere smile.

"Thanks Liv."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Rollins." Barba called. He didn't run, but here he was, wearing some old running clothes that were a little bit too tight, but they were all he had. All he knew, was he needed to talk to Amanda. "Rollins." Barba called again. Amanda kept running even though he was pretty sure she heard him the first time. "Rollins come on, don't make me hurt myself."

"You're stalkin me now." Amanda replied, but didn't ease her run, however Barba easily fell in line.

"You weren't returning my calls."

"Yeah, I'm not testifying." Amanda said firmly. Why was he pushing her so much? He had Reese and Amanda had walked into her situation, it wasn't the same.

"Don't make me subpoena you." Barba threatened. He felt bad saying it, he couldn't understand how much Amanda was actually hurting, but he was trying to help her. Whether she would believe her or not. He wanted Patton away, he hurt one of their own and that is unacceptable.

"I'm not talking about me and Patton." Amanda said. "Prior acts are inadmissible and nothing really happened anyway."

"Look. If I don't call you the defense will." Barba argued. "You heard Patton, they're gonna claim revenge, we gotta get out in front of this."

"They're not gonna call me up to the stand." Amanda shook her head. "I've gotta go, Liv hates it when I'm late." Without another look Amanda sprinted off, leaving Barba standing there alone.

* * *

"I appreciate you meeting us gentlemen. Before this turns into a circus, I thought we could step back, talk about a graceful exit strategy for all of us." Patton's lawyer, Counselor Buchanan, said.

"So talk." Barba encouraged, sitting down and leaning back.

"Deputy Chief Patton has a long and distinguished career. A year from now he reaches mandatory retirement." Buchanan explained.

"So in exchange for dropping a rape charge, the chief will retire, once he reaches mandatory retirement." Dodds said with a scoff. "I'm here as a courtesy to Atlanta PD. But NYPD wont bend over just because you're a fellow officer."

"Is that NYPD's idea of professional decorum." Patton asked with a small, grim smirk.

"Fellas, this is why you have lawyers." Buchanan said idly. "And lawyer to lawyer, we both know this case is at least 50 shades of grey."

"I know Detective Taymor was raped." Barba said and then bit the inside of his lip, stopping him from saying things he knew he would later regret.

"Neither of us was there. The only video we have is in a hallway where an ambitious and tipsy young lady invites my client into her hotel. The rest is speculation." Buchanan argues with a shrug.

"What do you want?"

"I don't see an upside for anyone here. My client has suffered an embarrassing public arrest." Buchanan said with disdain and looked over at Patton, who nodded right along.

"It was hush, low key. We did it right." Dodds argued.

"Yeah, tell that to my wife and family." Patton nearly yelled.

"I imagine you have some difficult conversations ahead of you without my talkin to 'em." Dodds added with a nod.

"We're not dismissing." Barba replied and stood up.

"What this feels like, more than anything is disorderly conduct." Buchanan looked between Dodds and Barba. "Disciplinary action will be handled by APD administratively."

"Rape is a felony charge. We will accept sex abuse 3_ minimum_."

"Ya'all might want to think about what will happen the next time a New York detective gets in trouble in Atlanta." Patton said just above a whisper while glancing at the floor with raised eyebrows.

"What you want to think about is how quickly the shine will go off your shield once you go on the registry." Dodds said standing up next to Barba.

"Registry?" Patton chuckled. "Now I don't know about you or your little Spanish dandy here, but I'm straight as an ax. That girl, got what she wanted. Just as Rollins did."

"Well, this was fruitful." Dodds noted sarcastically before beginning to turn around.

"Assault three, for the bloody lip, no time, no registry." Buchanan offered.

"Won't work for me counselor." Patton inserted.

"Nos veremos en los tribunales, mi amigo"

* * *

Amanda paced back and forth in front of the courtroom. It was different today. It wasn't just any old case. And even though it wasn't necessarily her case, it felt like it. Amanda couldn't imagine how Reese was feeling. Her throat choked up as she thought of how brave Reese was, compared to how pathetic Amanda felt. Amanda shook her head, knowing the emotional toil she was close to bringing herself to.

Instead Amanda kept pacing, forcing herself to keep her mind as blank as possible.

* * *

"As the jury has heard Detective Taymor's rape kit, it showed bite marks and bruising on her wrist and thighs. In your experience are these injuries consistent with forceful rape?" Barba asked Olivia.

"Yes. They are also consistent with the details of her outcry." Liv said with a nod, keeping her eyes on Barba and trying not to worry so much about Amanda.

"Is it true Detective Taymor was initially reluctant to cooperate with the investigation?"

"That's not uncommon for rape victims, especially when the rapist is known to them. They fear professional or personal repercussions." Olivia explained.

"Nothing further."

"Nothing for this witness your honor." Buchanan said, half standing, then sat back down.

"You may step down Sargent Benson." The Judge told Olivia with a small nod.

* * *

Amanda looked over as the court doors opened. Amanda let out a deep breath she didn't realize she had been holding. Again she stuck her shaking hands in her pockets and tried to keep her face emotionless rather than angry, sad, or whatever they thought she should be feeling.

"Amanda you came?" Fin questioned, quickly shooting to her side.

Amanda ignored Fin. "Hows it lookin?"

"Patton's smug. I hate this guy." Fin growled.

"He's workin the jury with long looks to his wife." Amaro added.

"Vivian. She's here?" Amanda asked in surprise.

"Amanda Rollins." Vivian Patton drawled, walking up to Amanda.

_Speak of the devil_. Amanda couldn't help but think with a tight smile.

"Give me a minute." Amanda said to her boys. "Vivian." Amanda addressed, turning her head to look at Patton's wife.

"Look at you its been so long." Vivian expressed with not so hidden scorn.

"Five years." Amanda offered.

"How is your mother darlin?" Vivian asked. "Well with your sisters situation, you up here, it must be hard on her all by her lonesome."

"Well how sweet of you to ask with all you got goin on." Amanda replied, with a bittersweet smile.

"Me? Nah, I'm blessed." Vivian countered with a big toothy grin. "Everyone at home knows what a good man Charlie is. He has a world of support. Ope, here's my man now. Excuse me darlin."

Amanda quickly turned around to see Patton exiting the courtroom doors. He looked over at Amanda with a grin, a grin too familiar. Amanda turned away and nearly ran for the bathrooms. Her heart hurt, and beat with a sense of anxiety. Amanda lunged for one of the stalls and released what little contents were left in her barren stomach. As of lately, it seemed the toilet saw more of Amanda's food than she did.

Breathing heavily, Amanda took a few minutes on the bathroom floor fighting to console herself.

"You're okay, come on, get up. You're good. Don't let them see how pathetic you are. Come on." Amanda whispered to herself.

After another anxiety filled moment, Amanda stood up and opened the stall. The mirrors immediately met her disheveled appearance. Amanda bit her lip, forcing herself to keep it together for the countless time that day.

She looked down at the sink and didn't let herself look up as she scrubbed her hands raw. Once her red hands burned with the same pain Amanda felt inside, she dried them and exited the bathroom door. She saw Fin, Amaro, and Olivia conversing with Barba in the corner. Slowly Amanda made her descent.

Fin made eye contact before she had arrived and he stepped around Nick and Liv to meet Amanda. Amanda's lip quivered at the sight of him, she could see the worry and she felt so inadequate and guilty.

"I'm sorry." Amanda whispered as Fin wrapped her up in a big hug. Amanda buried her head into Fin's chest and smiled at the contact.


	10. Chapter 10

**To my Guest Reviewer, I appreciate you taking the time to review my story. Yes, my story is taking the same events as the episode, I'm just adding in my own stuff. That was stressed at the beginning of the story, that it would be nearly identical to the episode. I have a disclaimer at the beginning of the story to stress that if you recognize it, it isn't mine. But yes, I am actually using the episodes script. Thank you for reading! And I hope you continue to read on. **

**On with the story! (Also if you guys have any suggestions or things you want to see, please PM me or leave me a review! Thank you.) **

Chapter 10

Court had been adjourned for the day, they would meet back tomorrow at 9 am for Reese's testimony. Amanda had left with a few goodbyes, and a lot of insisting that she was going to be okay at home by herself. She didn't know if she actually believed it, but she didn't want to be anymore of a nuisance than she already had been.

Quickly grabbing her meager things, Amanda escaped from the courthouse like she had been kept there against her will. Which wasn't too far from the truth, at least mentally.

Once home, Amanda dropped her things and ultimately her brick wall. A wave of emotion she was fighting all day finally let loose. Her knees buckled and she allowed herself to fall to the floor. An alarming amount of tears flowed endlessly down Amanda's pale cheeks. She had never been so emotional or cried so much in her life. It seemed everything she had buried for so long was fighting for dominance, Amanda had no control.

Her body wracked and trembled with violent tremors racing through her body. Up and down, and back again. Her body curled into a fetus position facing away from her closed apartment door.

Several minutes later, her eyes felt heavy from the exhaustion of her emotional break. But it wasn't her lack of tears that brought her out, it was a knock on her door. Immediately Amanda gasped and turned around, scooting back on her bottom away from the door. Instantly she chastised herself for being so weak and petty. She slowly stood up, wiped her porcelain cheeks, knowing it didn't help. She still looked awful.

Once at her door, Amanda swung her door open, ready to send whomever it was on their way. She lightly expected to see her partner Fin, or understanding and compassionate Olivia, standing there with a solemn look, but she was pleasantly surprised to see Nick Amaro. His lips pursed in a straight line, worry evident in the creases on his perfect complexion. Her an Nick had always gotten along very well, after being the new kids, they had to stick together.

"Nick." Amanda breathed heavily, suddenly concerned about her red eyes, pale cheeks, and messy hair.

"Manda, are you okay?" He pushed himself in, and closed the door behind him. Amanda's body lightly brushed against his strong chest. His face never turned from hers, and his large, warm hands reached up and wrapped around each of her cheeks. His hands cupped her face, while his right thumb brushed one lingering tear.

"I'm okay." Amanda whispered.

Neither moved, his hands warmed her face, all the way to her heart. She never wanted to move. His eyes shook as he looked up and down her face, trying to figure her out. His lips parted every so slightly, just to tease Amanda of what was waiting behind his perfect pink lips.

"No you're not...but that's okay." Nick finally offered. His hands dropped to his side as if he realized what he was doing, and maybe, maybe it wasn't welcome.

Amanda's face dropped as his hands fell. She looked at his hand next to his side, then back up at his face.

"I didn't want you to be alone." Nick said.

"Thank you." Amanda replied quietly.

* * *

"I've been an officer with APD for about three and a half years." Reese answered. She sat upon the court stand again, her hands shook, and cold beats of sweat made their way down her clammy back. "Since Chief Patton promoted me to Detective last year he has been head of my division."

"Could you describe your relationship?" Barba questioned.

"I viewed him as a mentor."

"And you socialized occasionally?"

"Professional functions, holiday parties, always with other detectives." Reese clarified.

"Were you with other detectives in the night of question?"

"Yes. Until we got off the elevator on our hotel floor. We had conjoining rooms. Chief Patton said it would be easier way for work." Reese answered, a hint of regret flew to her face, and Barba hoped the jury would notice her natural reaction to such a terrible event.

"Okay. And what happened next?" Barba guided.

"We reached our doors, we said goodnight, he told me his cell phone had demagnetized his key card. He didn't want to go down to the front desk and he asked if he could enter through my room." Reese explained.

"And once you got inside?"

"He suggested room service. I said food sounded good. But um, he ordered champagne." Reese glanced over at Patton, then quickly back at Barba, regretting her seconds loss of control.

"Were you okay with that?"

"I didn't want to be rude. I had one glass, he kissed me, I pulled away. I said he was a married man. And I thought it would be best if we just called it a night. But he said...his exact words were, 'don't you know by now that I don't take no for an answer.' He shoved me down on the bed. Pinned my wrists above my head and bit my lip too." Reese's lips trembled at the memory, but she fought hard to remain strong. Even though she felt like a wreck inside, Barba must have admitted she didn't look it on the outside. Reese was doing a phenomenal job.

"Did you say no?" Barba asked.

"Of course." Reese answered with a shake of her head. "No, don't do this. Then he slapped me. Hard. I was stunned. He unzipped, shoved his knee between my legs and forced himself inside me." Reese meant to sound strong, but the last part came out barely audible. She met eyes with Amanda, and realized Amanda's shaking eyes were probably a very accurate description of her own eyes at that moment.

"And then?"

"Then he finished and he went into his room. Told me to clean myself up for the conference tomorrow."

"Detective Taymor, did you call 911 or hotel security?"

"No. I was embarrassed...and ashamed. I finished the champagne and I passed out. A few hours later I fell in the bathroom. When I was in the hospital I told the nurse that I had been raped and I told Sargent Benson from SVU."

"You also told her at first that you did not want to cooperate. Why was that?" Barba questioned.

"I was afraid that my career would be over." Reese shook her head. "That no one would believe me."

Amanda bit her lip and looked down at her white knuckled grasp in her lap.

"But you're here now."

"Yes, what Chief Patton did to me was a crime and I realized that if I didn't testify it might happen to someone else and I couldn't have that on my conscious." Reese answered firmly.

Amanda didn't move her head, for fear that even the slightest movement would unearth a wave of emotion she wasn't ready to deal with.

"Thank you Detective."

Barba took a seat, Reese did very well. She answered the questions perfectly, and showed just enough emotion to carry a jury to a guilty verdict.

"You claim that you and Chief Patton have never been romantically involved." Buchanan started.

"We haven't." Reese agreed.

"Despite being closely mentored by him you'd never crossed the line?"

"I wasn't having an affair with him. I wouldn't do that." Reese suddenly became agitated at the accusation. Briefly she made eye contact with Barba and he gave her a _look,_ a look to calm down, it was okay.

"Then your relationship with Chief Patton had been strictly professional." Buchanan looked up to receive a nod from Reese and he continued, "Until you traveled to New York. When he attacked you in a hotel filled with hundreds of visiting police officers."

"That's what happened."

"You flew here together, spent the day at the conference, and then had dinner together that night. All the drinks."

"It was a social business gathering." Reese defended.

"Later, when the two of you got off the elevator at the hotel. All very friendly. On video you were smiling as you ushered him into your hotel room at 1 am. He ordered champagne. Which you drank."

"I was trying to be polite." Reese gritted her teeth.

"Apparently. During this supposed assault, did you scream...cry for help?"

"I asked him to stop."

"Not loud enough for anybody, any of your fellow officers to hear." Lawyer

Amanda's hands fidgeted in her lap, tense, anxious, struggling.

"You were trained in self defense, did you fight back."

"I struggled." Reese looked at Barba with wide eyes, silently beckoning for help.

"Is that so." Lawyer

"You didn't leave any marks on Chief Patton. No scratches, no bites. None of his DNA was under your fingernails."

"I kind of, um, froze." Reese finally admitted.

"You froze. He leaves, now you're alone. Who'd you call? Hotel security? Did you call one of the SVU detectives that you had spent the day with?"

Amanda looked over at Olivia sitting next to her. Olivia met Amanda's glance with a slight smile, that Amanda could only decipher as worry. Olivia reached over and let her left hand rest on Amanda's intertwined, white knuckled clasp. Amanda looked over at her other side to see Nick. She remembered what had transpired between them the day before, if you could even call what happened _anything_.

"No. Like I said, I was humiliated."

"You also said that you had finished all the champagne." Counselor Buchanan walked back to his little table and picked up a manila folder. "On top of all the drinks you had at dinner. In fact, you were so drunk, you took a nasty fall. You were found passed out on your bathroom floor."

"Yes."

"They had to call an ambulance for you." Buchanan set the manila folder back down and looked over at Reese with a small smirk. "For an ambitious detective like yourself, that must have been very embarrassing."

"Objection." Barba interjected. "The defense has crossed over from badgering to harassment."

"Agreed. Mr. Buchannan." The Judge gave Buchanan a brief grimace.

"You are a sex crimes detective. What would you make of a victim who let her boss into her room didn't report a rape until the next day." Buchanan roughly questioned.

"I would try to understand the pressure on her." Reese offered.

"Would you also consider the possiblity that there was more to the story than she was telling you, or us."

"I would investigate. But in my case-"

"I'll mark that down as a yes. Which may be exactly what Chief Patton did that night."

"Objection." Barba interjected again.

"Withdrawn."

Buchanan gave Reese one last look before sitting down next to Patton. "Nothing further."

* * *

That hadn't been easy, and Amanda could tell from the look on Reese's face she wasn't okay. Once it was over, Amanda followed Reese to the restroom.

"Reese. You okay?" Amanda asked. "I know this wasn't easy."

"You know what I know? You convinced me to testify. But I don't see you taking the stand." Reese retorted before walking right back out of the bathroom.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Barba had finally brought Amanda to her senses. And maybe Reese did a little too.

"My sister was facing felony charges." Amanda offered. "And Deputy Chief Patton called me into his office. Said we could fix the problem."

"What did you infer he meant by that?"

"That if I had sex with him, my sister would not be prosecuted." Amanda glanced at the floor. "Wait, is this necessary? It's not like I've never testified before."

"I know you have testified before, but not about your own assault. If the judge allows it we need to be ready." Barba argued. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Amanda retorted.

"All right, Detective Rollins. Did you consent to sex with Deputy Chief Patton?"

"At first, yes. We met at a motel and...I laid down on the bed. He was drunk. Grabbing at me and pulling off my clothes. I asked him to slow down. And he got rough with me. He bit me, slapped me, banged my head against the headboard. I was bleeding." Amanda reached up to touch the spot where her head had hit, as the flashbacks took control. Her eyes glazed off, staring at the tiled courtroom. "I...I tried to get up...but he said, 'Amanda you know I don't take no for an answer.'"

"Then what happened Detective Rollins?"

"Deputy Chief Patton pinned my wrists above my head. He told me I wasn't going anywhere, and that no one would believe me anyway." Amanda looked down to see her hands gently shaking in her lap. She looked back up at Barba with watery eyes.

"I gave up."

Again Amanda paused, trying to regain control.

"He raped me."

Amanda shrugged slightly and look to her side while biting her lip. She could barely hold it together in front of Barba, how was she going to in front of a jury _and_ Patton?

* * *

Amanda found herself drowning in a liter of beer, once again. After everything with Reese and Barba she couldn't help but think the day's events over and over. Reese had held her own relatively well during court; however, Patton's lawyer was good.

At the thought Amanda took another gulp.

With Patton on bail, and only required to show up for his designated court times, Amanda was feeling more anxious than ever. Not to mention the anxiety from the possibility of taking the stand tomorrow.

Amanda flipped on her TV needing something to make noise, to make her feel less alone. Fin, Olivia, and Nick had been great. They'd each taken turns being there with her when she needed it. She was so grateful for their support, especially Liv's unexpected understanding. The two women had become nothing short of great friends in Amanda's downfall. However, she felt so needy asking them to come over all the time. Tonight she would be okay on her own.

At least, she kept telling herself she would...as she gulped another shot of her beer.

Night came quick and easy, Amanda had drank nearly her entire pantry. Remembering a nearby 24 hour gas station...with beer, Amanda slipped on her shoes and tumbled through her apartment door. While Amanda had a lot to drink, her tolerance was increasing and she didn't feel as dizzy as normal. She new she was obviously drunk, but she could remember where the gas station was and was confident in her ability to arrive there.

It didn't take long to get to the gas station. Even the little brisk walk and fresh air seemed to help sober her up a bit.

A couple bottles later, Amanda was walking back to her apartment. Only a block away from the gas station, Amanda felt a breath on her neck, turning around solely to ease her nerves Amanda was met with a familiar face she wasn't expecting. With a gasp Amanda dropped her new bought alcohol. The glass bottle shattered around her feet, and a pair of dark dress shoes adjacent to her own.

Amanda's mouth tightened into a grimace.

"Stay away from me Patton." Amanda growled.

Amanda turned to walk away, but Patton reached out, grabbed her wrists and pulled her around to face him. Only a few meager inches separated the two. Reminding Amanda of a late night at work, she'd tried to forget for years.

_"Please stay, just a little longer." Patton pleaded. _

_"I've already stayed three hours past shift. Everyone went home hours ago. If you don't mind Cap, I'd like to get a good rest before I have to be back here tomorrow morning." _

_"Amanda, Amanda...you know I don't take no for an answer." _

_Within seconds Patton was a mere few inches in front of her. His large hands wrapped around her wrists, easily. He pushed her back until her back was pressed against the wall adjacent from his office door. _

_"Charles." Amanda nearly whispered._

_"Don't think I haven't noticed the dirty looks." Patton grinned wickedly._

_"This is incredibly inappropriate. Whatever signals you think I've given you, I apologize." Amanda stumbled over her words as his breath leaked down her neck. "I had no intention." _

_"Shh, don't talk." _

_Patton laid a slimy kiss in the crook of Amanda's neck. Once his lips burned Amanda's skin, she ripped her wrists from Patton's hold and pushed on his chest._

_"You need to stay away from me." Amanda replied, faking all the confidence she was lacking. "Or I'll report you." _

_Patton chuckled, eliciting an unexpected face of shock from Amanda. That certainly hadn't been the response she was anticipating. _

_"Go ahead. Who are they going to believe? A captain, or a _slutty _detective."_

Amanda realized that while she had been engrossed in her thoughts, Patton had pushed her back against the wall of the nearest building, and while holding her wrists, he laid a slimy kiss on Amanda's neck. _Again. _The building was sort of hidden behind all the bushes Patton had pushed her through. A large tree stood by her left, a well kept garden of bushes lined the area_. _

"I'm serious. Walk away or I'll scream." Amanda threatened once more.

"Okay, I'll walk away."

Patton grinned, and Amanda felt his grip on her wrists tighten.

"You know I'm not going to be convicted."

Amanda grimaced.

"You've always been a little whore." Patton growled back.

At the comment Amanda reached her wrists up and tried to push him away. He'd obviously gotten stronger in the last five years, his power kept her from ever moving more than 10 inches off the brick building's wall. Finally, Amanda gave up on the little fight as Patton pushed Amanda back against the wall. Amanda's head smacked against the brick, knocking her to the dirt ground in a dizzy state.

Patton ran from Amanda like she was a contagious disease and jumped in the dark Mazda that had been waiting there during Amanda and Patton's little interaction. As the car sped off, Amanda glanced through a sliver between the bushes, the driver's window had been rolled down, and even in her dizzy state, Amanda couldn't help but notice the driver looked a lot like her father.

* * *

"Liv..." Amanda's voice was weak, how could she have been so stupid. After passing out in the bushes, Amanda had came to around 4 am the next morning. Although, when she went out, it could have technically been considered morning.

_Good thinking moron, let's go out in the middle of the night while your charged rapist is roaming free. _Amanda thought to herself_. _

_"_I need help." Amanda finished. She felt bad calling Liv so early in the morning, but she didn't know what else to do.

"What happened?" Liv's voice awoke with imminent concern.

"I got hurt." Amanda settled on weakly, while reaching up to the tender spot on her head, she didn't have to be a doctor to know there was too much dried blood around the area to mean anything good.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

**Sorry kind of a short chapter, and kind of a late update, but you should still review! Because reviews give me the motivation I need to update! Thanks for all the reviews and support thus far, you guys rock! **


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"God, Amanda...honey." Liv mumbled while she gently dabbed a warm cloth to Amanda's skull.

At the sound of Olivia's voice, Amanda broke down in tears again. "I'm so sorry Liv." Amanda mumbled.

Olivia dropped to Amanda's level to look her in the eyes. "No, Amanda, this isn't your fault. None of it."

Amanda nodded weakly, but Olivia knew Amanda didn't believe her. Why did she feel so guilty?

"Why do you think you're at fault?" Olivia asked, genuinely curious.

Amanda looked up at Olivia, slightly shocked she was pressing this. "I- I don't know." Amanda struggled over the words with slight shrug. "I was drunk, not thinking."_Still drunk and paying for it._ Amanda thought to herself.

"No, not just last night, all of it. Why do you think Patton's not at fault for raping you?"

Amanda cringed at the words. She still hadn't gotten used to it.

"Liv, you know this, I walked into it- _willingly_."

Olivia kept her lips pursed tightly, but she didn't break her stare with Amanda. "I think there's more to it than that." Olivia had her own assumptions. From what little Amanda had told Olivia of her father, she knew the guy was kind of prick. Whether Amanda wanted to admit it or not...there's usually a pattern of abuse.

With her thoughts carrying her, Olivia had started cleaning the last of the dry blood to reveal a big split in Amanda's skull. Olivia couldn't help the catch of breath.

"That bad?" Amanda whispered.

"Come on, let's get you to the hospital."

* * *

Six stitches later and a mild concussion, Olivia sat at Amanda's bed side.

"Barba is going to charge Patton with an extra count of aggravated assault. This might give Barba the opportunity to charge Patton with your rape too."

Amanda bit her lip as a rush of emotion took over her. She should be happy that her rapist might actually be charged with the appropriate crime...justice. But the thought of having to take the stand...it was overwhelming.

"Amanda, what's wrong?" Olivia questioned, quickly concerned.

"Nothing." Amanda whispered, followed by a pitiful chuckle. After a pause while Amanda tried to control her emotions she finally let out, "I don't think I can do it." Olivia reached over and put her warm hand over Amanda's shaking, pale, and cold hand. For the countless time that morning, Amanda let the salty tears fall.

"I'm going to be by your side the whole time. You _do not_ have to do this alone?"

Amanda nodded while furiously wiping away tears.

Amanda had been discharged only an hour later. Olivia checked her watch. It was only 8 am, court was to begin at 9 am.

"I'll call Barba, you can't take the stand today."

"No...Liv."

* * *

"You gotta be kidding me. That little bitch, five years after the fact." Patton growled.

"Take it easy Chief." Buchanan chided.

"Counselors approach."

"Again, we object to this witness." Buchanan argued. "She wasn't on the prosecutions list, she's been sitting in on testimony. There hasn't even been moment of a hearing."

"Prior bad acts are admissible when they speak clearly to pattern."

"You can't be serious." Buchanan looked over at Barba with a glare of disdain. "She will be testifying to an unsubstantiated allegation which was never reported. No charges were ever filed."

"I hear you counselor. Now stop talking." The Judged looked down at the manila folder in his hands. "Having read the summary text of this witness's testimony, it is my ruling that it would be more prejudicial, I will not allow this witness to testify."

"Thank you your Honor." Buchanan replied with a devious smile towards Barba.

"One more thing your Honor, the people would like to add a charge of aggravated assault."

"What? Is this about Amanda Rollins? Your Honor, you just said-"

Barba cut Buchanan off without breaking eye contact with the Judge. "Last night, the same detective, was assaulted and admitted to the hospital early this morning for a mild concussion and 6 stitches." Barba reached into his bag and pulled out pictures of Amanda's injury.

"It happened last night, there couldn't have been an effective investigation-"

"Then let me take that risk, counselor." Barba said cutting Buchanan off once more.

After a few moments of examining the pictures, while shushing Buchanan several times, The Judge looked up to the two counselors.

"If you can prove the defendant to be responsible for this," referring to the pictures in his hands, "I'll allow Detective Rollins to take the stand on both charges."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"This is ludicrous, my client has an alibi for last night. Your detective is a liar on both accounts." Buchannan slammed.

"Where were you during the hours of 12 am to 2 am last night, Patton?" Barba questioned with a strong glare.

"I happened to be with the detectives Father." Patton drawled.

"Robert Rollins?" Barba questioned, not bothering to hide his surprise.

"The one and only."

* * *

"Liv we have a problem." Barba spoke through the phone in a hushed tone.

"What is it?"

"How much do you know about Robert Rollins?"

"I know he's a bit of a prick, didn't really treat Rollin's mom right...or her for that matter." Olivia paused, "why?"

"I think he might have something to do with Rollin's attack last night, did she say anything?"

"Not about last night, she has mentioned before her mistrust because of his relationship with Patton."

"There's a relationship? Patton and Robert Rollins are pretty good friends then..."

"What's the problem, Barba?"

"Patton is claiming Robert Rollins has his alibi for last night, and Rollin's father is corroborating that."

Olivia's breath caught, and she kept silent, waiting for Barba to continue.

"This complicates your investigation, but I need you to find some proof so I can charge Robert Rollins with accessory."

"Okay, I'll talk to Nick and Fin, then I'll head over to Amanda's to see what she knows."

"Thanks Liv."

Olivia reached to hang up, but Barba's voice caught her. "Wait, Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"How's Amanda doing? Is she okay?"

Olivia paused again, contemplating what to say. "Ya know, I think progress is being made, but she's never been an emotional person, she bottles everything up and holds all the burden on her shoulder. She's doing okay though. She's tough."

"Keep me updated. And Liv...let me know if I can do anything."

"Thanks Barba."

* * *

Olivia headed over to Amanda's apartment for the second time that day. She had already sent Nick and Fin to look through security footage; however, they were spurring on little information. Once Olivia would get done talking with Amanda, she knew the hunt would be easier. Olivia stopped at a nearby sandwich shop on the way to Amanda's and grabbed her favorite sandwich. Olivia almost couldn't believe her and Amanda had become as close as they did, here she was grabbing Amanda's favorite sandwich.

Again, Olivia began to mentally kick herself for the harsh way she used to treat Amanda. She didn't want Amanda to think she was only being nice to her because she pitied her, that really wasn't the case. Amanda was sweet, witty, and despite the circumstances, Olivia enjoyed being friends with Amanda. She couldn't help but feel bad _this_ had to happen, for their friendship to spark.

Olivia's thoughts had brought her all the way to Amanda's front door. With shaky hands, for no real reason, Olivia knocked on Amanda's door. After a mildly alarming 2 minutes, Amanda's door swung open.

"Sorry, I was in the bedroom." Amanda offered weakly.

Olivia's concern was immediately amplified as she took in Amanda's appearance. Even since that morning, Amanda's health seemed to be deteriorating quickly. Amanda's clothes were baggy and hung limply on her body, Amanda had clearly lost weight. Olivia couldn't even remember the last time she saw Amanda eat. Her bandaged head was red with dried blood, her eyes grey and _sad_. Amanda's hair was limp, dangling, and greasy.

"Amanda, are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just a little tired."

"You've lost a lot of weight..." Olivia held up the bag with her sandwich. "I brought you some food."

"Thanks Liv, I'm not really that hungry, maybe later." Amanda turned and started to walk towards the couch. The uncleanliness of Amanda's apartment seemed to catch Liv's attention as well.

"Have you eaten today?"

Amanda stopped in her tracks. "Um..."

"Or yesterday?"

"I-"

"Amanda, you can't do this to yourself."

"I'm not doing anything, so I forgot a couple meals, I'll eat the sandwich."

Olivia hesitantly nodded and set the sandwich on the counter. Olivia noticed a couple new empty beer bottles.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something." Liv said, "but first, let's get you a shower."

Amanda looked at the ground then back at Liv for a second, then slightly nodded.

A half hour later, Amanda's wet hair dripped on a new baggy t-shirt while she nibbled on the sandwich Olivia brought her.

"So, Amanda... was Patton with anyone last night?"

"Uh, there was a car...a mazda."

"Do you remember was color? Or if anyone was inside?"

Amanda pursed her lips, "the mazda was dark...and I was drunk so-"

"Amanda if you saw something-"

"My dad, I'm pretty sure I saw my dad in the car."

Amanda went through the events of the night in her mind again. She remembered Patton's firm grasp on her arms, her pounding head...and even more clearly, her father's arm hanging through the open window and his dark hair being blown through the wind, matched by a dirty smirk.

"Okay, I'm just going to call Fin, okay?"

Amanda nodded, and Olivia stepped out of Amanda's apartment.

"Listen, Fin, Amanda just confirmed her father was with Patton last night. Did you find anything on the security tapes?"

"Yeah, Liv, we have a mazda pull up on the side of the road, and we see Patton approach Manda, but he pushes her in the bushes and we don't see anything else until Patton gets in the car and they leave."

"Well that corroborates Amanda's story. What about after, can you see Amanda leave?"

"She stumbles through the bushes mostly, but we can see her make her way home, time stamped 3:49 am."

"Okay, I need you to take those to Barba, Amanda's going to be testifying tomorrow morning."

* * *

**Sorry for such a late update, thank you to everyone that is still sticking with me. If any of you have ideas or things you want to see, please don't hesitate to let me know. Thank you again. **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Amanda gulped hard.

"My sister was facing felony charges. And Deputy Chief Patton called me into his office. Said we could fix the problem." Amanda repeated, just as Barba had instructed.

A sleepless night, and quick shower that morning, still Amanda looked numb, empty. Olivia could see it, Nick could see it, they all could see it. Olivia felt helpless. Until Amanda decided she was worth getting help, nothing would change. Still, Olivia promised herself she wouldn't give up on Amanda, even though she had given up on herself.

"What did you think that meant?"

"If I had sex with him, my sister would not be prosecuted."

"Did you consent to sex with Deputy Chief Patton?"

"At first, yes. We met at a motel and...he was drunk, like usual. He kept yanking at my clothes. I asked him to slow down." Amanda paused. "But he didn't, he got rough with me. He bit me, slapped me, banged my head against the headboard. I was bleeding." Amanda reached up to touch the spot where her head had hit, as the flashbacks took control. Her eyes glazed off, staring at the tiled courtroom. "I...I tried to get up...but he said, 'Amanda you know I don't take no for an answer.'"

"Then what happened Detective Rollins?"

"Deputy Chief Patton pinned my wrists above my head. He told me I wasn't going anywhere, and that no one would believe me anyway."

"I gave up."

Again Amanda paused.

"He raped me." Amanda shrugged slightly and look to her side while biting her lip.

"Is this why you didn't report the assault?"

Amanda nodded.

"And that new contusion on your forehead, what's that from?"

"Last night, Patton cornered me."

"I'd like to introduce to the jury and the defense exhibit C."

The film Amaro and Fin found played on a large TV in the corner of the courtroom. Amanda didn't realize that watching, what little they could see, would rattle her up so much. Patton had a hold on the strong detective, that even she didn't understand. Amanda was not one to allow control, or fear. She was strong, how else would she have gotten through the last five years? Still, something about watching Patton attack, sent a chill through her body. A chill of both determination to finally stand up to the man that abused her, and a chill of pathetic, stereotypical fear.

"Objection your honor, all this shows is my client out late at night, there is no evidence of assault."

"But that's where you're wrong, if we speed up to 3:49 am, we can see Detective Rollins stumble out of the bushes."

"There's nearly a two hour gap-"

"Save it for cross, Counselor." The judge warned.

Buchanan sat back down, eliciting a small smirk from Barba. "No further questions."

"Detective, where were you from the ages of 17-19? Until you joined the academy."

"Objection, relevance?" Barba called.

"I'm trying to prove character." Buchanan replied.

"Sustained, get on with it."

"I was living on my own." Amanda offered.

"Where?"

"Lot's of different places.."

"Okay, but were you or were you not nearly arrested in 1997-"

"Objection!"

"On what counselor?"

"Uh..relevance." Barba offered lamely.

Barba couldn't help but feel mildly embarrassed as he saw the judge roll her eyes. "Continue on Buchanan."

"I was almost arrested, yes." Amanda offered hesitantly. "But we've all done things-"

"No Detective, we haven't all be almost arrested. Now what were going to be the charges?"

"I was strugglin at the time..."

"What was it Detective?"

"Stealing."

"And what did you do to make the charges go away?"

Amanda glanced at Barba as his mouth fell slightly open. This was her fault, she was going to throw the whole trial because she was a dumb kid. And then she grew up into a dumb adult. She nearly mouthed the words "i'm sorry" but she stopped herself as she caught Olivia's eyes. They were warm, comforting. After all Olivia had been through, she was still standing tall, and confident. Amanda had always been jealous of her resilience, always putting herself down for being weak and pathetic. Amanda was immediately grateful for Olivia's friendship and continued support.

"Detective?"

"I had sex with the cop and the charges went away."

"No further questions." Buchanan replied with an obvious smirk.

* * *

"History repeats it's self and you don't think to tell me?" Barba said to Amanda, not bothering to hide his annoyance and frustration. The two walked down the city hall steps with Olivia, Nick, and Fin in a close pursuit.

"This time I didn't consent." Amanda replied through gritted teeth.

Barba stopped and looked at Amanda. "I know, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, I screwed up your whole case."

"Yeah, you did, which means we're all gonna have to work a little harder if we want to win this one."

* * *

After such a terrible day at court, Nick had come over to Amanda's to keep her company.

"You guys' have all been so nice to me, stayin around."

Nick smiled and pulled down a glass. "Did you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm okay." Amanda smiled, genuinely; and for a second Amanda seemed the most normal since all of this. Nick had that affect on Amanda though, something about his presence made her feel better, comfortable. As much as she loved Olivia and the wonderful support and friendship that had blossomed between the two, Nick's humor and perfect smile made Amanda feel as though she could be whatever she wanted. She didn't have to hold some facade or pretend she was okay, Nick knew.

He always knew.

"What do you want to do, watch a movie, go out for dinner?" Nick asked while taking a sip of apple juice.

"I think we should stay in." Amanda replied with a smile. She walked around the island and towards Nick. As she stepped closer, their torso's slightly grazed before Amanda's arm slipped around him to the sink, where a dish rag sat. She turned around and wiped part of the counter.

"You spilled a little."

"Oh, sorry, my bad." Nick offered, before setting his glass down and the reached over to grab the cloth from Amanda. His hand rested lightly on Amanda's and the two locked eyes. For a second, everything stopped and all Amanda could think about was kissing his rosy lips.

Without a second more of thought, Amanda leaned in and places a firm kiss on Nick's lips. Nick almost instantly gave in, wrapping his arms around her waist. Though, only a moment later Nick realized the situation and pulled back.

"No, I don't want to take advantage of you." Nick said, while staring at the floor.

Amanda stuck her hand under Nick's chin and raised it to look at her, "you're not. I want this."

"Amanda..."

"Shh.." Amanda replied before leaning in for another kiss.

After a few hesitant kisses, again Nick gave in and let his hand creep behind the back of her neck, while pushing her towards the island. He slid his other hand under her thigh and lifted her up on the counter, all the while their lips locked and fighting with passion.

"Finally..." Nick whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor."

Final witnesses offered their testimonies the day previous, and yesterday Barba and Buchanan offered final arguments. Barba had done his best, and for that Amanda was grateful, but because of her continuous idiocy Amanda was holding high hopes that this was going to turn out her way. Which only led her mind to travel to the idea of all the repercussions she would have to face.

"On the charge of aggravated assault, how do you find the defendant?"

"Guilty."

"And the charge of rape in the third degree?"

After what seemed like hours of anxious uncertainty, Amanda finally broke down as the words issued overwhelming.

"Guilty, your honor."

Immediately Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda. The blonde allowed herself to break down into the safety of Olivia's shoulder.

Amanda could hear Patton yelling in the background, trying to convince the judge of the whore she was.

Olivia stroked Amanda's hair, offering whatever comfort she could give. After a few moments, Olivia began whispering in Amanda's ear, "now you can stop feeling guilty. You can stop blaming yourself, and you can allow yourself to heal. You're worthy of happiness."

Amanda pulled from Olivia's hug and looked into her dark eyes, "thank you, Liv. Thank you."

Olivia nodded and pulled her into one last hug, before Nick grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a tight and warm hug of his own. "I owe you a thank you, too." Amanda whispered.

"For what?" Nick replied.

Amanda pushed back and smiled, after moment Amanda leaned in and pressed her lips against Nick's. His rosy lips were warm and they beckoned for more.

"Amanda?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

Amanda lightly chuckled and nodded her head before pressing another passionate kiss on Nick's lips.

Hand in hand, the couple walked out of the courtroom where Fin, Olivia, and Barba waited. Now it was Fin's turn for a hug. "You did it, kid."

"Thank you, all of you." Amanda offered, barely above a whisper.

There was still a long road to recovery, but with the support Amanda had, she was starting to realize she could do it.

**THE END**

I know some things didn't get totally wrapped up, and that's because I'm thinking of doing a sequel that would follow the road to recovery, enhance Nick and Amanda's beginning relationship, and finally give Amanda closure with her father as she has now received with Patton. What do you guys think? Please let me know! Thank you for reading and all your continued support.


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